ANOTHER FOUR LESSONS IN MANAGEMENT

Lesson #1

It’s a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is lying lazily outside his cave in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: Do you know the time, because my watch is broken?

Lion: I can easily fix that watch for you.

Fox: Hmm… But it’s a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws may destroy it.

Lion: Oh, no, give it to me and it will be fixed.

Fox: That’s ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with big claws cannot fix a complicated watch.

Lion: Sure they do. Give it to me and it will be fixed.

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken?

Lion: Oh, I can easily fix your TV.

Wolf: You don’t expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV.

Lion: No problem.

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Inside the lion’s cave: In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral: IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED, LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Lesson #2

It’s a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: What are you working on?

Rabbit: My thesis.

Fox: Hmm… What is it about?

Rabbit: Oh, I’m writing about how rabbits eat foxes.

Fox: That ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don’t eat foxes!

Rabbit: Come with me and I’ll show you!

They both disappear into the rabbit’s burrow. After a few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: What’s that you are writing?

Rabbit: I’m doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves.

Wolf: You don’t expect to get such rubbish published, do you?

Rabbit: No problem. Do you want to see why?

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself after a few minutes and goes back to typing.

Finally a bear comes along and asks, “What are you doing?

Rabbit: I’m doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears.

Bear: We’ll that’s absurd!

Rabbit: Come into my home and I’ll show you how.

Inside the rabbit’s house, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral: IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW ABSURD YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Lesson #3

An eagle was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The eagle answered, “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral: TO SIT AND DO NOTHING, YOU MUST BE SITTING VERY HIGH UP.

Lesson #4

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 50 degrees west longitude.’

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in senior management.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the women, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

Moral: HIRE MORE WOMEN.

ArtSchwartzSig

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1 Comment

Filed under Blog

One response to “ANOTHER FOUR LESSONS IN MANAGEMENT

  1. Jerry

    Arthur, I loved it, Did you make ist up?
    Stay well, Jerry

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