FOUR MORE LESSONS IN MANAGEMENT

Important Lessons for Everyone in the Workplace

LESSON 1:  A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to lunch.  On their way through a park, they come across a wonderlamp.

They rub the lamp and a genie appears.  The genie says, “Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish for each of you.”

So the eager senior manager shouts, “I want the first wish.  I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries.”  Pfuffff, and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and he shouts, “I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.”  Pfuffff, and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, “I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch by 1:00pm.”

MORAL OF THE STORY:  ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST

 

LESSON 2:  Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand, the CEO said, “Listen, this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left.  Can you make this thing work?”

“Certainly,” said the young executive.  He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine.  “I just need one copy.”

MORAL OF THE STORY:  NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS ANYTHING

 

LESSON 3:  An American and a Japanese were sitting on a plane on the way to L.A.  The American turned to the Japanese and asked, “What kind of -ese are you?”

The Japanese confused, replied, “Sorry but I don’t understand what you mean.”

The American repeated, “What kind of -ese are you?”  Again, the Japanese was confused over his question.

The American, now irritated, almost yelling said, “What kind of -ese are you…Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese…???

The Japanese then replied, “Oh, I am Japanese.”  A little while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of -kee was he.

The American raised his voice in frustration, “What do you mean what kind of -kee am I?”

The Japanese said, “Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?”

MORAL OF THE STORY:  NEVER INSULT ANYONE

 

LESSON 4:  There were these four guys—a Russian, a German, an American and a Frenchman—who found this small genie lamp.  When they rubbed the lamp, a genie appeared.  Thankful that the four guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, “Next to you all are four swimming pools.  I will give each of you a wish.  When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and then your wish will come true.”

The Frenchman wanted to start.  He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted “WINE.”  The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.  The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next was the Russian’s turn.  He did the same and shouted “VODKA,” and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted “BEER.”  He was so contented with his beer pool.

The last is the American.  He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel.  He slipped towards the pool and shouted “S _ _ T!”

MORAL OF THE STORY:  THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN

ArtSchwartzSig

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