Monthly Archives: February 2020

QUICK LESSONS IN MANAGEMENT

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to dro0p that towel.”

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”

“It was Bob, our next-door neighbor,” she replies.

“Great,” the husband says. “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”

The priest apologized, “Sorry, sister, but the flesh is weak.”

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek; further up, you will find glory.”

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking for lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”

“Me first, me first,” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”

Puff! She’s gone.

“Me next, me next,” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”

Puff! She’s gone.

“Okay, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?”

The eagle answered, “Sure, why not.”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

“I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

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SOME MEDICAL FACTS NOT EVERYONE KNOWS

Here’s another fountain of useful information from Mitzi Thaler about medical facts you may not know.

Good things to know, from the Mayo Clinic

How many folks do you know who say they don’t want to drink anything before going to bed because they’ll have to get up during the night?

Heart attack and water – Drink one glass of water before going to bed to avoid a stroke or heart attack. I never knew this.

Why do people urinate so much at night? Answer from a cardiac doctor:

“Gravity holds water in the lower part of your body when you are upright (legs swell). When you lie down and the lower body (legs, etc.) seeks level with the kidneys, it is then that the kidneys remove the water because it is easier.”

You need to drink water to flush the toxins out of your body, but here’s some news about the correct time to drink water:

• Two glasses of water after waking up—helps activate internal organs
• One glass of water 30 minutes before a meal—helps digestion
• One glass of water before taking a bath—helps lower blood pressure
• One glass of water before going to bed—avoids stroke or heart attack

Water at bedtime will also help prevent nighttime leg cramps. Your leg muscles are seeking hydration when they cramp and wake you up with a Charlie Horse.

Mayo Clinic on Aspirin

Dr. Virend Somers is a cardiologist from the Mayo Clinic who is the lead author of a report in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology.

Most heart attacks occur in the day, general between 6am and noon. Having one during the night, when the heart should be most at rest, means that something unusual happened. Somers and his colleagues have been working for a decade to show that sleep apnea is to blame.

1. If you take an aspirin or a baby aspirin once a day, take it at night. The reason: aspirin has a 24-hour “half-life,” therefore, if most heart attacks happen in the wee hours of the morning, the aspirin would be strongest in your system.
2. Aspirin lasts a really long time in your medicine chest; for years (when it gets old, it smells like vinegar).

Something we can do to help ourselves—nice to know

Bayer is making crystal aspirin to dissolve instantly on the tongue. They work much faster than the tablets.

Why keep aspirin by your bedside? It’s about heart attacks.

There are other symptoms of a heart attack, besides the pain on the left arm. One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating; however, these symptoms may also occur less frequently.

Note: There may be NO pain in the chest during a heart attack. The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their sleep did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep. If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water.

Afterwards, call 000, phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by. Say “heart attack” and say that you have taken two aspirins. Take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door and wait for their arrival and DO NOT LIE DOWN.

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